Narda Reid
- Oct 25, 2023
- 4 min read

The "Second Kiss"Pt 1

Updated: Oct 29, 2023

Dive into our monthly Relationship blog and find something to encourage couples to stay committed...

“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification (Spiritual and sexual purity), that ye should abstain from fornication:” 1 Thessalonians 4:3

He was frustrated. He wanted to work on his marriage but the games were endless. Women are drawn to Tom all the time. He is tall, intelligent, muscular, and good-looking with attractive hazel eyes. This has been the case since high school. Tom was a woman magnet, but because of his distrust of them, he always had a string of them on his leash.

They seemed to love it so, partly because he had a certain charm, boyish smile, and a killer humor. Beautiful women always graced his side and he seemed to have a predilection toward indian women. His family wondered when he would settle down.

It wasn't surprising that when he finally settled down, he did so with a bold, caramel Indian-steeped beauty of West Indian descent. They were inseparable for the first few years of their marriage, and even had children. But their marriage had its fair share of problems.

They both wanted to dominate each other.

They both grew up in homes where wives seemed to have the upper hand. Sarah believed that Tom didn't have the right to tell her what to do and was very used to doing things her way. Independent she was before Tom, and independent she would be with him! On the other hand, Tom grew up in a home where he constantly heard his mother quarreling with his father about this and that, and would curse him expletively with little respect. His father seemed docile because most of the time he would walk her out or run to his man cave to work on some not-so-needed project just to envelope some peace and quiet. He escaped desperately from the peppery tongue that could be daggers to a man's ego. Tom had vowed from a young age that he would Never allow any woman to treat him that way! As the adage goes, "Two bulls cannot live in one pen", therefore tempers flew and the relationship became toxic.

They became so toxic that both sides began to cheat, but to my knowledge, Tom started stepping out first. Sarah started afterward. Despite the toxicity of their relationship, they were still quite intimate and were still holding on to who knows what. Maybe they thought that they had each invested so much that they were not going to separate... or were they on the verge?

Tom came for a consultation and he was very frustrated. He had been intentional in getting his marriage back on track, but his wife was mad at him for going off on a little weekend hangout with one of his buddies in another country. She had just come back from out of the country without him, and he thought she should be okay with this. But since he had cheated before, she felt like he was probably doing so on his mini-trip too.

The funny thing is, something happened to make Tom change because what he shared with me, was not the same callous sentiments of the womanizer he used to be. He said, that he and Sarah had done everything possible to break a marriage, but he was turning over a new leaf and had been faithful to her for some time. Perhaps it was because he was finally growing up; perhaps he was thinking about his daughter and how he wouldn't want any man treating her in such a way. Maybe he felt he needed to set a better example for his son. Yet I believe that he realized that he loved her. Despite her dicey tongue, he felt like he had also invested much in the 20-year-old relationship.

He loved his family and wanted to preserve what was left and make it better.

Yet he revealed that his wife was using an age-old trick to spite him... Yup, you guessed it!

She was withholding sexual intimacy from him during this time. Therefore, he came to me seeking wisdom. He stated they had not coupled for about a month now, partly because of their work and travels, but now because of the deliberate withholding. He wanted to remain faithful to her, but how to do so when she was being like this?

Was this the same Tom I knew in high school? Wow! If he can change, anyone can with God's help. Tom wasn't fat, ugly, and bald during the aging process. On the contrary, He was more attractive and in great shape. He could get any woman he wanted, but he wanted to be faithful. His wife was a beautiful woman and she looked great too, I believed from my casual conversation with her, that she also still loved Tom, but they were both unwilling to be humble enough to be vulnerable. If only in their "dance" they would pick up their God-given roles of wise submission. Join me for the counsel given in Part 2

For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification (sexual purity, faithfulness) and honor; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God [do]...

I Thessalonians 4:3-5.

Do you want someone to pray with you or talk with you during a difficult time? Email me at info@nardapella.com or click the below link: https://www.nardapella.com/bible-studies. Our team is ready...