Welcome back to our monthly RELATIONSHIP blog focused on building and nurturing strong Christian relationships among singles worldwide. Perhaps on our quest, we may even encourage engaged and married couples to rekindle their flame as well. LOL!
As you know, God has curated me into being a single, fantabulous female who believes that LOVE is just simply beautiful! I know that the LORD didn't intend for mature men and women to grow old living solitary lives, though there are rare and exceptional cases.
Love is a beautiful journey and not a stagnating event. It has a warm, nurturing, and fulfilling destination if you endure on the path. One of my favorite passages of Scripture is found in Job 23:10, "But He knoweth the way that I take: when He hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."
On this journey, we may encounter rough seas, and scary falls; we may even receive some scrapes and bruises along the adventure, but the experiences are definitely worth the inward gifts we gain along the way and the potential godly companion that may have the opportunity to grow with us daily. Therefore, be patient and continue to have a shameless hope in Christ's love tokens that He had strewn all along the path in the genesis of time... in the Garden of Eden, and which He also longs to sow in " the golden boxes" of our hearts.
"And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." Romans 5:5 KJV
In my line of work, I encounter many couples going through various experiences, but none truly fascinated me as the ones below:
Marie had been in a relationship with Alleyne on and off for over 17 years. She had thrown in the towel to end the relationship many times, but their friendship was a natural magnet that always kept drawing them back together into an intimate relationship... an intimate relationship that was void of the usual trappings that held couples captive, sexual intimacy. They have never even kissed! Who does that in this age of modern lust fest?
Alleyne isn't an ogre, a cheater, or an abusive boyfriend. He is extremely kind, thoughtful, sociable, honest, firm to principles, funny, handsome, gentle, faithful, hard-working dedicated, a man of integrity, romantic, and flexible when it came to compromisable points. He has never been married and has no children. He is a reputable businessman and a die-hard Christian.
Wouldn't you have thought these were the best qualities that would make Marie want to be in an ever-lasting relationship with him? Yet they had "broken up" several times. Why? Alleyne had commitment issues. He has a most difficult time in deciding to trust his heart to Love without fear. Marie wants Alleyne in her life. He is her first choice, yet she is unsure he will ever settle down. She isn't sure she could wait for him to become fearless and full of faith, despite having no other viable prospects.
Marie is one of the kindest, sweetest, thoughtful, committed, resourceful, missionary-minded, graceful, modest, and attractive females I have ever met. She is a true queen of her household... she could cook, clean, iron, and manage her home well. She is very committed to ensuring that both family and friends are well nurtured. Despite her singleness, she is a loving mother who is very ambitious and accomplished. As a Christian, she is very well respected.
Wow! Wouldn't you have thought that by now they would have made the decision to be together? They seem like they should already be married. They are not pretentious people, and have no guile or ill intentions.
Yet Alleyne despite his strong feelings towards her, has been very procrastinative in regard to making her his wife. Why? One reason he shared is that Marie was just as fearful, and her decision to leave so many times made him wonder if she would be as quick to leave once they were married. Would she be impatient and abandon him when he finally surrenders his heart fully to her? Will his love be safe in her heart? Is her independence so strong that she will one day believe he is dispensable? Marie has shared that all she wants is for Alleyne to make her his priority second to God, and she would roll out her heart and all she has as a red carpet and make him a king on earth.
I have tried to get Alleyne to open up about what will be the game changer, but he has said that he is being careful, patient, and prayerful.
They are both still unmarried, and when they meet the sparks still fly and their hearts still melt. They have the best times together, yet when apart, all the doubts flood their minds, and their hearts suffer anew as they ponder what to do with their golden box of questions and fears.
Marie's and Alleyne's situations are not unique, this has become almost the norm as more and more Christian men and women fear marriage because they have not let go of their insecurities. They have not allowed trust in God to open doors of faith and commitment.
We will not find perfection without a decision to take Christ with us on all parts of the journey. Perfection doesn't come before marriage, but during marriage, God perfects each golden box ... each heart as we allow His law a permanent dwelling place. Then we, both men and women, can rest in love, trust, commitment, and security as we continuously accept help from above.
Many questioning couples intellectually know this, but spiritually, they have not settled into the faith of allowing God always to have the keys to the control of their hearts and their lives. They look at all the "what ifs" and the "maybes". They dwell on the earthly and not what God may be revealing. They want everything to be perfectly right, but God may be saying, " Let me be the Perfecter. If I have placed you together, then I will preserve you forever. Give me your golden boxes full of questions and let your insecurities go."
Let us remember, Love is a journey, and though it requires work, the work will definitely pay off big time!!! Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Romans 5:1-5.
The work will not pay off only in the end, but just like in the spiritual where Christ daily transforms the surrendered Christian through the process of sanctification...
where one becomes a better Christian in Christ... so too in the physical. (I Thessalonians 5:23).
When a couple works through tough times and challenging questions to which they sometimes have no answers, and is patient in the relationship by working issues out together, this slowly changes both parties into truly lovable beings. They cannot help but be happy in their "golden box", finding it liberating instead of a limiting experience.
What advice do you have for Alleyne? Marie? Do you know anyone who is struggling in a similar situation? Prayerfully share our blog. Share your stories with us. Join our email list and subscribe.
Song to Encourage: Live Out Thy Life Within Me
Lyrics: Live Out Thy Life Within Me
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I pray for you a wonderful day
in the love of the Lord!
Taste. Enjoy! Respond. Like! Share. Be encouraged!
I pray for you a wonderful day
in the love of the Lord!
Taste. Enjoy! Respond. Like! Share. Be encouraged!
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