Every person desires one thing above all others, and that is to be loved deeply in addition to being sincerely cherished. They hunger for it. They search the depths and climb the heights for it. They live and die for this kind of love. No one is exempt. However, to truly love in this way, both man and woman need to surrender to Christ. He is the best lover we will ever have. Why not learn at His feet? It makes loving each other sweeter and finding a mate and a match much easier.
"The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Proverbs 16:23.
Who wants to be caught naked? No one! Yet at times, it is extremely essential to bare your soul in a relationship that you want to see flourish, not die. I love the quote by Susan Scott, author of Fierce Conversations, which puts it aptly:
"Our lives succeed or fail gradually, then suddenly, one conversation at a time. While no single conversation is guaranteed to change the trajectory of a career, a business, a marriage, or a life, any single conversation can. The conversation is the relationship."
Do you recall "crushing" hard on that girl or boy in high school? What about that man or woman that arrested your attention so intensely that there was nothing you could not converse about freely? I remember this guy I "fell" very hard for in my late twenties. He was tall, bronze, and very handsome. Yet one of his major strong points was his ability to get me to talk on almost any topic imaginable for hours and days. His conversations were not frivolous nor self-centered and were always spiritually guarded. Yet the more intimate discussions were the ones in which we bared our souls to each other without shame.
Every conversation was a candlelit table set only for two and talking to him was intoxicating. During this time I experienced Renaissance and Enlightenment! LOL!
I became a prolific poet and avid writer and learner about everything that would improve relationships. I was so smitten I decided to brave a few inspired words, coaxed from shy lips to my masculine rose:
"Speaking with you is like dining at the world's most sophisticated restaurants; choosing from menus of delectable topics, feasting on desserts dripping with delicious nectar; surrounded by an atmosphere of opulence... fragrant with words of Infinite Love!"
I am sure my voice was husky with emotion and sincerity. I am tickled always when I remember his response, he was shaken from his cool calm demeanor when he stuttered, " I have never heard you talk like that before." The thing is that I had never felt like that before. These words were not flattery, I bared my soul to him in unabashed candor, in every conversation, and though it temporarily scared him, our candid conversations knitted us together for a long time. Ironically it was the breach in meaningful, intimate conversation that brought our relationship to a screeching halt.
The Journal of Divorce and Remarriage purports that from a sample size of over 886 couples, 469 (53%) stated that lack of communication is their number one reason for "breaking up". Therefore what's my advice to young and old, married and single, friends and family?
Be vulnerable, let trust open the door wider, and kick fear to the side.
Always be authentic. Don't flatter, but genuinely compliment each other.
Realistically look at your relationship and speak about the good and the areas for growth. Remember to be kind when being realistic, otherwise, more harm will be incurred than sweeter intimacy.
Emotions are ok, don't buy into the myth that expressing your emotions is taboo. Connecting on this level is where you become deeply knitted: True intimacy is empowered and all other areas of your relationship bloom and will continue to thrive because of healthy communication. A word of caution, don't let your emotions get out of control.
B.A.R.E your soul to the man or woman you love! Remember "the conversation is the relationship." Neglecting to do so is relationship suicide. Take a lesson from Christ, the best relationship expert and mentor in the courting of His church: He conversed often with His love, and was not averse to leaving 66 volumes of His love letter: evidence of transparent communication with us. "The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Proverbs 16:23. Think on these things and act!
Have a great day!
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So wonderfully put! Narda as usual you are an inspiration to many. Keep up the good work.